Chapter 5 Part 4 THE Trip "El Mucho"

Hillside Nepal - Photo by JoAnn Sturman

by S.R. Oberst

We checked into a motel across from the El Paso airport that made a Motel 6 look like the Ritz Carlton. Reluctantly I decided to go to dinner with Charlie. “How bad can it be?” I said to myself, “It’s just dinner. What’s the worst that can happen? A little heartburn - maybe.” But Charlie had a way of turning little events into big disasters.

LT and I waited in the motel lobby, which was actually a Quonset hut with vending machines and a coin operated vibrating chair. We wore blue jeans and T-shirts, but when Charlie rolled in he was wearing his favorite Archie Bunker outfit - slip-on gray hush puppies, brown corduroy pants, and a brightly colored Hawaiian shirt. While berating our lack of fashion sense, Charlie
called a cab from the pay phone. Then he asked, “You boys ready for some Mexican?” Taking this to mean Mexican food, we both replied that we were.

Only when the cab stopped on the American side of the Bridge of the Americas, did we realize Charlie was taking us to Juarez, Mexico. A short walk and we were in Mexico. No need for a cab on this side of the bridge – everything you could possibly want was at hand. As a kid growing up in East LA, I had made a few trips down to Tia Juana, so I was not too surprised by what I saw. On the other hand LT, who was born and raised in the deep South, was completely caught by surprise.

Charlie led us to a nearby restaurant, a smoke filled cantina attached to a large two story building with no windows. We found a table near an old juke box. LT immediately shoved a handful of pesos into the machine and punched in some songs. Eventually a waitress came with menus and took our drink orders. LT and I ordered beers, while Charlie preferred a beer with a tequila shooter. He immediately began flirting with the waitress. The waitress made Wanda of Wichita look like Miss America. Although at this time of my life, I had not yet heard of the term “coyote ugly,” it certainly applied in this case. This did not stop Charlie, who obviously lived by the axiom - “Go ugly early. Why waste time?”

Charlie tried a lot of lines on the waitress. He told her we were in the U.S. Air Force, adding that he was the pilot and we were his crew. She asked Charlie if he was an officer. “Yes,” he replied, “I am a Captain.” The woman promptly began calling him “El Mucho Capitano”. Charlie ordered another beer and shooter.

We placed our orders, and I began checking out the surroundings. It was a fairly typical, rundown old saloon except for the wall that connected it to the adjacent building. On this wall was a big mirror next to a very large red door. To the right of the door was a little office about 10 feet square that had obviously been a recent addition. Between this office and the red door was a sign that read: “No Entrada sin Medico Evaluacion.” “Now what the heck does that mean?” I wondered to myself. Charlie ordered another beer and shooter.

As we finished our meal, a sharply dressed young Mexican man came to our table and introduced himself as the manager, Senor Gomez. He sat down next to Charlie and in perfect English said he had observed Charlie’s interest in our waitress. He then explained that there were far more desirable women available to be our “dates” for the evening. “You see,” he said, “Here in Juarez there are many beautiful but lonely women. We do not allow them in the cantina, but let them look at our customers from the next room. They can see us through the mirror on the wall. It is likely that many beautiful women have seen the handsome Americans and would love to meet them.”

Charlie was drooling. LT was confused. And just as the jukebox started playing “House of the Rising Sun,” the light bulb clicked on in my head – next door was a cathouse! Senor Gomez politely excused himself, promising to return later. Charlie ordered another beer and shooter.

“Gentlemen,” Charlie said, “As your leader it is my duty to make sure you have a good time tonight. So, I am going to lead us next door for some little Mexican cutie pies. But first, I have to take a leak.”

Un-leadership Momento – El Ejemplo We’ve all heard great leaders lead by example. They are to be emulated or copied. Great un-leaders lead by unexample. They are not to be emulated or copied. Knowing this fact alone, kept me from following Charlie through the red door.

Quickly I explained our predicament to LT. He agreed with me and did not want to go next door either. “How do we shake loose from the Captain?” he asked. I had a plan and motioning for Senor Gomez, I put it into action. I asked Gomez if there were any women named Juanita in the other room.

“Yes, of course, would you like to meet her?” he asked.

“No, not for me. We want El Mucho Capitano to go first,” I replied. I asked Gomez to return to our table and invite El Mucho Capitano to meet Juanita. I quickly ordered more beers.

Charlie returned. By now the effect of all those beers and shooters was obvious, and Charlie was unsteady as he walked back to our table. Undaunted, he turned toward the red door. I winked at Gomez and he immediately joined us, “It is my pleasure to inform El Mucho Capitano that the beautiful Juanita has chosen him to be her date for the night. She awaits your visit beyond the door.”

Charlie lurched from the table and started for the door. Then he turned and said, “Come along, gentlemen, the ladies await.”

“We still have beers to finish Charlie, you go ahead without us,” I replied.

As Charlie approached the big red door, he was directed to the little office for what was probably more than a “turn your head and cough” experience. A few minutes later he came out and headed for the red door. He had a big, silly grin on his face as he looked our way. We raised our half empty beer bottles in a salute as he disappeared behind the big red door.

Senor Gomez came back to our table and invited us to join Charlie. “No thanks,” I said, “It is already late, and we need our crew rest before our flight tomorrow to Tucson. Besides, we are both on the Alpha Roster today.”

Gomez responded, “What about El Mucho Capitano, is he not on the Alpha Roster as well?”

“Nah,” I said, “He’s just the copilot.”