Chapter 1 The VIP Flight

Water Pipes Marrakesh, Morocco - photo by JoAnn Sturman

By S.R. Oberst

I’ll admit it, I certainly felt some intimidation that first day on the job as I stood there in front of the ops counter. However, I was also somewhat amazed at the sight of this Captain standing in front of me. He had a gray crew-cut that looked like a big brush, a perpetual sneer, squinty eyes and fat hands. He was about 5 feet 9 inches tall. His flight suit seemed short so you could see the tops of his boots (like he was expecting a flood) and the velcro strips used to adjust its girth were extended to the max. I thought to myself, “No way this guy meets USAF height and weight standards!”

“Hey dummy” Charlie says to Bruce, “Show this dummy around and make sure you tell him the rules.” Bruce simply smiled and said “Okay.” He motioned me to follow him and off we went. When we were in the next building, Bruce started laughing, ”Boy, you should have seen your face when you first saw Charlie.” “Who the hell is that guy?” I asked. “He’s your Ops Officer” Bruce said and then proceeded to tell me more. Charlie was a 44 year old Air Force reservist with prior service as an Army Warrant Officer flying helicopters. Somehow he got a commission in the Air Force. Bruce was certain he had blackmailed someone to get this assignment as detachment ops officer the previous year. Charlie was due to meet the promotion board for major in about nine months, so Bruce believed he was lobbying hard for a top endorsement from Major General Meanders, the head of the Air Rescue Service.

The rest of that first day went fine. In addition to Bruce and Charlie, I met the 12 other pilots in the unit, including the Commander, Lt Colonel Brad McMellow. Over time I saw him as the exact opposite of Charlie. In fact he was almost too nice. And McMellow, like most of the pilots in the unit, was afraid of Charlie Crown. But not Bruce. You see, Bruce was already counting down his last three years in the Air Force, so he just smiled when Charlie called him “dummy”. I too would learn to smile at Charlie, but I did not realize then how many wonderful un- leadership skills he would teach me over the next couple of years.

The big buzz in the unit my first few weeks was that THE Vice President of the United States, Nelson Rockefeller, was coming on a visit. During the visit our unit would fly him out to a missile command site. Such a VIP event as this got Charlie whipped into an incredible flurry of actions. I won’t bore you with the details, but Charlie made sure every detail was over-analyzed. Charlie appointed himself as the Aircraft Commander for the VIP flight. McMellow insisted on a “good stick” as the co-pilot and tabbed Bruce for the job. Because of the level of importance of the VIP, a second helicopter was designated to fly along in case a back-up was needed. One of the unit’s senior pilots, Captain Tom Triffick, was selected and I was to be his co-pilot. In the week before the visit, we actually took a training flight to the destination missile site to practice for the big day. Charlie demanded we memorize certain details of the flight and the sequence of events. He created a written VIP Procedures Manual of some length, and then he grilled us with questions. Charlie considered himself an expert at handling VIPs. But it did not take me long to realize Charlie’s true motivation when it came to VIPs was to toot his own horn. To his credit, Charlie was one of the world’s foremost “brown-nosers”.

Let’s pause here for some Un-Leadership insight: Although not an absolute character trait of an Un-Leader, most Un-Leaders are very good “brown-nosers”. Whenever a high ranking officer or VIP came to visit the unit, Charlie’s entire demeanor changed. It was humorous to watch him attempt clever ways to ingratiate himself with each new visitor. But his motivation was to gain the VIP’s ear, because one common trait of Un- Leaders, is to always take credit for everything they can for their own personal advancement. When referring to accomplishments of a group or team, Un-Leaders lead with the word “I”, such as “I did this”, “I implemented this”, “I created this”, or “I invented the internet”. Charlie was an expert credit taker. He could squeeze more “I’s” into a brief VIP introduction statement than a politician at a fundraiser.

The big day arrived and when the Vice President arrived with his entourage, Charlie began bragging about everything in our unit, including the newly installed VIP headsets in the helicopter. Later, Bruce would tell us that during the 45 minute flight to the missile site, Charlie kept up a constant chatter with the passengers in the back of the helicopter, bragging at every opportunity.

Charlie was obsessed with the idea that the Vice President must be escorted quickly from the running helicopter upon arrival. Not trusting anyone else for this important deed, Charlie had Bruce make the landing to the helipad. His plan was to quickly exit the aircraft, open the rear door, and escort the VP from the pad. As they approached the landing, Charlie unbuckled his shoulder harness, opened the door and stepped out. Flying overhead in the other helicopter I observed Charlie getting out of the door before the chopper had actually landed. There was Charlie standing on the skid while suddenly realizing they had not landed. Bruce’s landing was firm enough to bounce Charlie to the ground. Charlie could be seen contorting himself to hang onto the swinging door while hitting the ground in an awkward manner. Meanwhile a secret service agent opened the opposite side passenger door from the inside and escorted the VP away from the aircraft. Charlie was left hanging onto the door in such pain that Bruce had to fly him back to the base, leaving Tom and I to make the return flight with the VP. To add insult to injury, Bruce found out later from one of the secret service agents that they had turned the VP’s intercom off right after the flight started, so the VP never heard what Charlie had to say. The agent remarked to Bruce that Charlie even bragged about providing good weather for the flight. Besides a good laugh, the fringe benefit for the pilots was that Charlie’s injured back caused him to miss two weeks of work.