Lt. Bob Wade-Highest Paid Air Force Officer

Opera House Sydney, Australia - photo by JoAnn Sturman

W.R. Priskna
fliesinyoureyes.com

The Air Force was not the place Lt. Bob Wade wanted to be. There were too many nonsensical rules enforced by cover-your-ass officers. The son of a well respected Air Force general, he had spent his entire life associated with the military. The prospect of civilian life consumed Bob day and night, but there was one complication. Since he was an Air Force Academy and helicopter pilot school graduate, he owed the service a six year commitment of which he had served only two.

Evaluation of Air Force officer performance was based on the Officer Efficiency Report (OER) which was rendered twice per year. It contained two general parts: The first graded the officer on a scale from 1 to 9 in ten general areas. For example, in the writing ability category a grade of #9 was consistent with the ability of Dostoevsky or Dickens, while a #1 was in line with an illiterate Fore tribesman from the mountains of New Guinea. The ten categories were averaged to arrive at a numerical score. The second part of the OER compared the officer with his cohort from the entire Air Force. Four rankings were possible:

1 Promote behind contemporaries
2 Promote with contemporaries
3 Promote ahead of contemporaries
4 Promote well ahead of contemporaries

A perfect OER score was “9-4”, while the worst was “0-1.” It would appear this comprehensive rating system provided evaluators with a useful tool to compare officer performance and accurately determine promotion times and sequences. To the contrary, grade inflation was rampant. Only the truly incompetent or those displaying poor attitudes did not receive a “9-4” - the Wades and the Prisknas of the Air Force. Perhaps 95% of officers had perfect scores in all ten categories and were recommended to be promoted “well ahead of contemporaries.” How all but 5% of officers should be promoted ahead of everybody else is difficult to explain, but a “9-4” score was necessary just to be competitive for promotion. Woe to the officer who received an “8-3” or less, because any OER less than a “9-4” was the kiss of death for an Air Force career.

It was possible to receive an honorable early discharge from the Air Force for a number of reasons. With the exception of medical problems the easiest way to get an “early out” was to be considered incompetent to serve. This avenue of escape was based heavily on OER scores.

Lt. Colonel Michaels, our commanding officer, desperately wanted to be promoted to full Colonel. A confirmed bachelor and alcoholic, he was consumed by this ambition. He closed the Officers' Club bar down every night and arrived at work each morning sporting sun glasses and pasty skin. His unvarying routine was to greet the junior officers before their morning flights then retreat to his cave-dark office where he shut the door and would not be seen until after 10 AM.

To be granted an early discharge Bob decided to strive for as low an OER score as possible. He let his hair grow long and sported a Poncho Villa mustache. He came to work late and left early. Some days if he was not scheduled to fly, he would not come to work at all. He worked only a few hours per week and soon was hailed as having the highest hourly wage in the Air Force. Lt. Colonel Michaels was in a quandary. He disapproved of Bob's conduct but detested confrontation. He was deathly afraid Bob's father would scuttle his own chance for promotion to colonel if he gave Bob substandard OERs. Little did he suspect that Bob's father would never intervene on his son's behalf, but Michaels was a cautious man and preferred to take no chances.

I met Bob's father a few years later. The minute you shook his hand it was apparent he was a gentleman, a natural leader, and someone who had been making the right decisions for a long time. When Bob introduced me to him, there was no pretense or braggadocio. I remember thinking, “If General Wade tells me to jump, I would be willing to jump first and then ask how high.” He was raised in rural Ohio, graduated from West Point, flew combat missions against the Japanese in World War II, and was promoted to colonel in his mid 20's. He epitomized the type of officer who led by example and motivated his subordinates to achieve goals they thought were unachievable.

All officers were required to sign the OERs they received from their commanders. When Bob was summoned to Michaels' office to review his latest OER, he received some bad news. His OER was graded an “8-3.” Michaels was very nervous about awarding a low mark, since in his mind it might put his own promotion in jeopardy. Bob refused to sign the OER. “This score is too high, Lt. Colonel Michaels. It needs to be lower.” Michaels, who was also a chain smoker, lit up another cigarette and pleaded with Bob to sign the report.
“No deal, sir.”
“I can't do it, Lt. Wade. Your father will kick my ass.”
“He'd never get involved. In fact he wouldn't agree with what I'm doing. He'd take your side. If he were your commander, he would think more highly of you if you punished me for my conduct.”
Such reasoning did not compute in Lt. Colonel Michaels' small brain. “I can't do it,” he pleaded.
“Well, if you can't do it, I'll write it, sign it, and help you prepare the discharge papers,” Bob offered.

With sweat pouring off his forehead Michaels shuffled back to his office, lit another cigarette, shut the door, and probably took a couple stiff belts from the bottle of scotch he kept in his desk drawer. He emerged with his courage restored. “Okay, Wade, we'll do it your way, but don't make your OER too low.”

That night I never saw a person having so much fun filling out a government form. To insure there was no ambiguity in the report, Bob settled on a “4-1.” He returned it the next day when it was dutifully signed by Lt. Colonel Michaels. Bob soon was discharged honorably from the Air Force, and to Michaels' delight Bob's father did not get involved. His quest for promotion was still on track.